Do you want to meet a soul mate? Maybe you want to find a nice girl from another country and already registered on some websites and started to search for a good one among profiles of cute Russian brides, practical German women, or hot Brasilian girls? So, you should know about ghosting. The term “What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is ending a relationship (frequently an intimate relationship) by shutting down all communication and contact with the person for no obvious reason and usually without warning as well as rejecting the person’s efforts to reach out or communicate. Sometimes you can see some signs that a woman is not interested in continuing an online relationship, but they can be very subtle. Ghosting often comes from a completely left field, and the person is left to try and guess why. Here are the most common reasons for ghosting:
10% of women surveyed and 16% of men ghosted somebody because they became too clingy;
17% of women and 28% of men ghosted somebody for not living up to their photos;
50% of women and 38% of men ghosted somebody to avoid face-to-face confrontation.
It is much easier to vanish into thin air rather than point blank express your feelings. Even though ghosting can seem like the easy way out since you no longer want to continue the relationship, it is considered incredibly selfish. All relationships should have open communication, and ghosting is the complete opposite of that. If you’re the one being ghosted, you have very limited information on what went wrong or if the relationship is mendable.
Another reason that can be difficult to handle is the inconclusive, open to interpretation nature of ghosting. In other words, people don’t want to break up in person or explain why they’re cutting all communication; they want to leave an open door to revive the relationship down the line. They don’t want to actually tell you how they feel but instead show it with their behavior.
There are a number of unfortunate consequences of being ghosted:
It leads to the person feeling disrespected and disregarded;
They can’t get closure;
They will start doubting potential future partners.
Ways to Respond When You’re Ghosted
Before you start taking measures against the ghoster, you have to be certain. Although sometimes they leave no room for doubt, for example, when a message “Do you want to meet tomorrow?” is left hanging in cyberspace for weeks. Sometimes the line is blurred. But if you know that it’s not a family emergency or anything like that, these are the best approaches.
Hold Them Accountable
When you first notice you are constantly being put on hold, you don't have to be silent about it. After all, it is unacceptable behavior, and you're not going to put up with it. You can call them out via any possible communication channel of your choice: text, email, social media, or through friends. You want to get the message across that you notice and disapprove of their behavior. It stands to reason that they’re not going to respond again, but it’s worth a try.
Have a Deleting Spree
Out of sight, out of mind. Considering technology essentially promoted that sort of behavior, this is the place where you start your “cleanse”. You shouldn't hold on to memories of a person that does not have the dignity to end the relationship properly. However, you don't have to be petty and delete every message or every photo. The idea is that you are ceasing all communication as well, and your reasoning should be level-headed. Don't do anything out of spite; delete their contact information and go about your life as usual.
Appreciate the Experience
Believe it or not, they've done you a huge favor. Do you think you would’ve had a successful relationship since you now know they're capable of treating you that way? You might've just been saved from a lot more problems associated with that person. A proactive approach to responding to a lousy situation is to change your perspective. Someone who ghosts you is someone who doesn't deserve a place in your life. Remember, you have a whole world of opportunities ahead of you.
Don’t Be Too Serious
Just like most things in life, ghosting deserves a good laugh. Objectively speaking, civilization is ridiculous, and if you can stop and laugh at everyday absurdities, you are two steps ahead of the game. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone was more lighthearted and willing to laugh at themselves and the awkward circumstances that life throws their way. You can and will recover from everything, but you can spice it up with some laughter in the meantime.
What to Do When a Ghost Returns to Haunt You
Also referred to as haunting, a ghost can come back just as suddenly as they left. They can explain the reasons they fell off the map: a personal issue, work, etc. It’s up to you to decide whether or not to let them back into your life. Don’t hold back how you feel; if you don’t want to let it go, be upfront. You have the right to ask for an explanation if they want to rekindle the relationship. If you accept them pretending it's acceptable behavior, you're risking being ghosted again. While it is fair to give people second chances if there was a valid reason why they disappeared, don't let them walk in and out of your life whenever they want.
How to Move on
Every person will recover from ghosting in their own way, especially because it can happen in all kinds of relationships: a romantic partner, a friend, or a co-worker. But if you adopt these simple ways to your specific situation, accepting ghosting will become easier:
Set an acceptable timeframe for the person
Haven’t heard any news from them for several days/weeks/months? Give them a limited time to show up, and if they don’t, assume the relationship is over. You can warn them beforehand but even if it seems too severe, it’s the best choice for your mental health.
Think it through before blaming yourself
Most often, you don’t have any grounds to tell if it’s your fault. Not only is the situation emotionally draining in itself, but you’re now also adding blame. Instead, take a closer look at the situation and how it ended. If you think you could’ve done better, take it as a lesson learned.
Don’t drown your sorrows
Reckless drinking and partying may seem tempting because they numb you. But these temporary solutions are only distancing you from actually confronting the situation. You have to keep your eye on the big picture.
Get professional help
Don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist who can clarify the complicated feelings you may have. A mental health professional can help you:
Figure out plans for solving problems;
Find the power within yourself to face challenges;
Alter behaviors that slow you down;
Set future goals.
Spend time with people you trust
Having a chat with a close friend or family member can help reduce your stress levels, according to experts. One study suggests people receive a boost in the feel-good hormone oxytocin after just talking on the phone. Reminding yourself of positive, healthy relationships is a good way to move forward.
Do you want to avoid situations with ghosting? Learn how to write properly romantic messages.